


Want of Help

by Shaelamoo



Series: An Ideal for Beauty [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Eating Disorders, M/M, nothing graphic though, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 16:36:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3657480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaelamoo/pseuds/Shaelamoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year later and Tsukishima was too thin, too insecure, and Yamaguchi was too crushed by guilt.</p><p>This is just a continuation of An Ideal. This is just from Yamaguchi's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Want of Help

When Yamaguchi had first met Tsukishima he thought that the blond boy was perfect, everything about him shone in his perfect way and Yamaguchi loved him. It was about a year after knowing Tsukki that Yamaguchi’s admiration had rubbed off a little and he realized that Tsukishima was flawed and very imperfect. He was rude, socially awkward, ignorant, condescending, a liar, a drama queen, insecure, too angry, too self-conscious, too prideful, and worst of all he didn’t know how to trust others. But none of this mattered, it just made Tsukishima even more perfect, at least it did to Yamaguchi. After all Yamaguchi had countless faults, if someone asked his opinion, and they far outweighed Tsukki’s.

And since Tsukishima had all these problems Yamaguchi tried to help. When they had first become friends Yamaguchi tried to help in blunt ways. Prompting Tsukki to be nicer or correcting him. Sometimes he would try to push Tsukishima into looking at his actions, but overall it ended up the same. With Tsukki getting angry, by him being cruel, by shutting off his emotions and turning Yamaguchi down. That only prompted Yamaguchi to try something different as he learned more about the taller boy. He had to do it subtly, he can’t be blunt unless he wants Tsukki to snap at him. He couldn’t directly help his friend unless asked or even bring up Tsukki’s emotional problems unless Tsukki spoke first. This worked so well until halfway through their third year of middle school.

Often Yamaguchi would talk to people for Tsukki so that Tsukishima’s anxiety or rudeness wouldn’t occur. He would talk about movies and books where the characters were especially well developed when Tsukishima was especially insecure, about prehistoric time periods when Tsukki was angry, about normal everyday things when Tsukki was being self-conscious. When Tsukki was in a situation where someone was about to confront him over something rude he had said Yamaguchi would conveniently “accidentally” spill something on them. He didn’t think Tsukki noticed it but it calmed him down just a little and if Yamaguchi could even do that then he didn’t mind looking up new dinosaur facts every weekend.

So when on the one day he doesn’t show up to school or practice something happens which he couldn’t stop. He never knew what happened exactly but he knew something did because the next day Tsukishima showed up in a coat larger than usual. He hid most of his body and glared at anyone who looked at it. He didn’t even talk to Yamaguchi, he didn’t touch his food. Yamaguchi had thought he was hiding bruises and he panicked the whole day. That’s what made it confusing when Yamaguchi had looked at Tsukki’s body when he changed and saw nothing, still the pristine skin he always saw. But Tsukki had noticed and gotten irritated at him.

It wasn’t until the fourth day of the actions continuing that it hit him. Tsukki wasn’t eating. He had an eating disorder. Yamaguchi panicked and didn’t sleep more than an hour that night, far too busy researching eating disorders. The next day he brought it up just like countless articles had said he should.

“I noticed you’re not eating.”

Tsukki’s head had snapped up, panic clear in his eyes even when covered by a glare. “I’m not hungry, don’t be so oblivious Yamaguchi.”

“It’s just that it’s not good for you is all.” Yamaguchi carried on, not knowing how to back track.

“Shut up Yamaguchi, I’m not hungry, are you stupid? What part of that don’t you understand?” He had grabbed his stuff and walked off.

Before practice had begun he offered the taller boy a protein bar, “I just don’t want you to pass out at practice.” Yamaguchi couldn’t even meet his eyes. He was enabling the bad habits just as he always did.

A year later and Tsukishima was too thin, too insecure, and Yamaguchi was too crushed by guilt. He tried to help by getting Tsukki’s favorite foods when he could. He kept track of how often he ate it. He kept track of how often he excused himself to the bathroom afterwards. He bought a lot of low calorie foods to offer Tsukishima since he was more likely to eat those. He ate out often with the blond boy, making sure he ate and let some of the food digest before Tsukki could eject it from his system.

The guilt still ate at him. It killed him every time Tsukki skipped another meal. No one talked about how thin Tsukki was or how he didn’t eat. Maybe they didn’t notice. Hinata didn’t, at least not until he said something stupid about it.

“Tsukishima’s body looks kind of weird, doesn’t it?”

That comment stopped all other conversations. It froze the blood in Yamaguchi’s veins. He knew everyone would be looking at the tall boy beside him. He couldn’t look though. The guilt filled his stomach and he felt sick. He could feel Tsukishima’s stare weighing down on him. But when he gets to courage to look up, Tsukishima is rushing out the door, clothes thrown on hastily. Yamaguchi dashed after him, followed him into the bathroom, listened to the sobs and retching coming from the most important person in his life as he broke down. Yamaguchi stopped holding himself back from helping and grabbed the blond boy, holding him close.

“Oh god, I’m so disgusting, I’m hideous, I want to just die, why can’t I just be thin and beautiful?” Tsukishima sobbed into his shoulder.

 “It’s okay, I’m here. It will be alright. You’re not fat I swear.” Yamaguchi’s whispered into his hair.

“That’s a lie.” Tsukishima choked out.

He didn’t understand how Tsukishima could think of himself that way _he was beautiful._

“It isn’t I promise. Your body is beautiful, I love it. You’re beautiful.” Yamaguchi whispered.

“You’re beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“You’re beautiful.”

Yamaguchi said the last sentence over and over as he held him.

Eventually Tsukki calmed down a little. He whispered something into Yamaguchi’s chest that made him hopeful.

“I need to stop this.”

“I will help you.” Yamaguchi pulled back, looking into Tsukishima’s eyes and cupped his face in his hands. He stared into eyes that always left him breathless. “We will get you help. It will be okay.” Tsukishima nodded at this closing his eyes and pushing himself to Yamaguchi’s chest again.

_I will help you._

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so when I get around to it I plan on adding a Happy Ending Chapter. Sorry for the wait。


End file.
